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Monday 30 April 2012

The Avengers

I watched the trailer for The Avengers a few months ago and the line "if we can't protect the earth, you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it" was nominated (submitted by a reader) for a 2012 Beerbohm Award for Best Line in a Trailer.  I was giddy from excitement when I watched it then but didn't review it.  I am giddy from watching this trailer, now.... several times over. 

Anyone who knows me or reads this blog knows that I am a huge fan of comic book movies - unless they star.... ahhh f**k it, I'm too giddy to slam anyone or anything right now.  That is the last time I will use the word "giddy" in this review.

I loved the Iron Man movies and believe that Robert Downey Jr. is one of America's best actors.

Captain America was okay, but I had the feeling I was watching the videogame, Return to Castle Wolfenstein.  Aside from Hugo Weaving being awesome as the villain, it was important to see where/how Captain America fit with The Avengers.

I watched Thor while awaiting The Avengers release (kind of made sense).  I found that I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would.  The presence of Hawkeye, Agent Phil Coulson and Sam L. in Thor highlighted the ties to The Avengers. And Tom Hiddleston, who was awesome as F. Scott Fitzgerald in Midnight in Paris, plays Loki, brilliantly.

I liked Eric Bana as The Hulk. I didn't like Ed Norton's Hulk, especially when I heard that he was so pissed that he didn't get cast over Bana that he decided to make his own. Crybaby. Mark Ruffalo is a good choice.

Samuel L. Jackson is always f**king cool but for some reason Nick Fury reminds me of a bald Elijah Price - a character played by Sam in another comic book type movie, Unbreakable.  Maybe it's just all that black leather...

No point in me really reviewing the trailer.  We know the drill, good guys vs. bad guys to save (or at least avenge) the earth.  This movie looks and feels like a winner and I'm too um... excited about it.

I can't wait to see it on the big screen and I hope that my local cinema has stocked enough red licorice.

Saturday 28 April 2012

Viewed: A Thousand Words

My recommendation for this one was:

"Even though the outcome of A Thousand Words seems pretty obvious, the perfect-length trailer, and watching some good old Eddie Murphy comedy, confirmed that I will likely see this one soon."

Yes, the outcome was obvious.  That said, I like Eddie Murphy and I like the intended sentiment of this film but as a whole it seemed too disjointed.  The first part of the film was silly, kind of fun Eddie slapstick.  The second part of this film was more introspective and Eddie's physical comedy, while present, slowed down.  The problem was that the supporting characters didn't clue in and the attempted comedy was just annoying.

A Thousand Words was kind of like Woody Allen's mythical creature the Roe:  it has the head of a lion and the body of a lion, but not the same lion.

Friday 27 April 2012

VIEWED: The Cabin in the Woods

My recommendation for this one was:

"It would likely cost millions, if not hundreds of millions of dollars to build such an elaborate torture cabin. Who would build such a thing? It's either government or aliens because, frankly, supernatural forces just don't have the technology or financial resources to build that type of cabin in the woods. I'm really curious to see this one because there must be more here than meets the... um...trailer."

There was more then met the trailer...  much more.  I can't say how much without spoilers but I'll say that  maybe government and supernatural forces are closer than we think - at least in The Cabin in the Woods.

So what's the verdict?

It was a kind of parody on the genre, using humour and horror in a way that may make fans of the genre look at cliche horror films differently.  I guess one could say that Whedon and Goddard's, The Cabin in the Woods is a game changing film.  Whether that's good or bad is yet to be seen - when the next batch of horror films are made.

Definitely worth seeing, even out of curiosity.

Thursday 26 April 2012


This is billed a "true story" and a "dark comedy."

So, while I'm watching the trailer I'm thinking "Throw Momma from the Train" and that some scenes are documentary style.  You know, when people sit around and say, "he was such a nice man." Or, "he was really quiet and kept to himself."  (though that's not Bernie...) Or, "I can't believe he would do something like that..."

You can see the similarities between Anne Ramsey's character from Throw Momma... and Shirley MacLaine's character in Bernie; nasty old joyless b*tches.

Jack Black is funny.  No doubt.  Jack Black is usually the same funny in his movies.  Gotta go with what works for you but, like a fad, it eventually passes.  I'm glad to see Jack Black in an "acting" role.  My favourite Jack Black movie is High Fidelity.  As entertaining and insightful as the film (and the awesome book by Nick Hornby) are, in a relatively minor (to the plot) supporting role, Jack Black steals almost every scene he's in.  Despite his many other duds, I like him.

What can you say about Shirley MacLaine that she hasn't already said in/on a spiritual, new agey book, or cruise - well, not so much lately.  She's getting old but it's always great to see her on screen. 

My favourite movie she was in is "Being There", it's based on a very short, very brilliant Jerzy Kozinski novel and starred Peter Sellers.  Rent it or download it, if you can.  I watched it recently and it is just as relevant today as it was when it was made 30 years ago.  I also read Kozinski's "The Painted Bird" in a Holocaust Literature course I took.  Great writer.  I think both the aforementioned books can be read more quickly than watching a two hour movie, if one were so inclined. It's because they are each less than 100 pages.

Bernie (Black) is the story of a mortician in a small Texas town who everybody loves.  Everybody except MacLaine's character.  Bernie tries hard to befriend her, does and, according to the synopsis, kills her and pretends she's alive.  So, could this "true story," be called, "weekend at Bernie's?"

Not sure if I'll see this one....

Monday 23 April 2012


Two things struck me from this trailer...

Firstly, Safe starts out with a similar idea (not the same) but similar as "Don't Say a Word."  Secondly, holy crap, Jason Statham is one of the greatest on-screen tough guys ever!

Watching Statham in an action movie trailer is like drinking a gallon (they come in like 6 oz. cans) of Red Bull.

Even when his movies are bad, he is still so perfect in the role.  Why did I like the Transporter movies? Great plot and story?  Pfft, no. Statham.  He was hilarious as Monk (the crazy, chained, martial arts, killer lunatic) in Mean Machine (2001), which was a British remake of The Longest Yard, except soccer.  And so much better than the lousy Adam Sandler remake.  He was cool in The Italian Job and while I found his "sensitivity" in The Killer Elite hard to watch, he still kicked ass.  And Snatch was just a great all around movie.  

So, in Safe, he's a washed up MMA fighter who witnesses thugs chasing a little girl.  He intervenes and pisses off every corrupt group in New York City: the Russian mob, the Chinese mob, corrupt police officers...  as they hunt down this little girl who has numbers in her head.  I imagine that they are numbers to a "safe" that has money and/or ledgers and/or names and/or valuables that could incriminate everyone who is trying to get her.  But you know what?  Who cares?   Statham gets involved and this one bad ass will take on all the other bad asses and win. 

You know what, else?  And I can't believe I didn't think of this until this very moment.... Statham is the new Chuck Norris.

So, let's try this:

Jason Statham does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure.  Jason Statham goes killing.

I like it!

If you can see Jason Statham, he can see you.  If you can't see Jason Statham you may be only seconds away from death.

This is perfect!

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Jason Statham.

Who doesn't think Jason Statham is the new Chuck Norris?  Think before you answer...

I am definitely seeing this film, soon.

Thursday 19 April 2012

The Three Stooges

I watched this trailer three times, each time looking for a trigger.  Reviewing a trailer, as stupid as it may seem, is about finding something in the trailer that sparks interest, touches an emotion, spawns a tangent (my favourite trigger), stirs the familiar, maybe relates to personal experience, or simply entertains.  Isn't that why we see a film?

Trailers that end up in the trailer park are often trailers that I've stared blankly at and felt nothing.  I hate to say this, but this trailer did nothing for me.  So why isn't it in the trailer park?  Well, sometimes it's not the trailer, it's me.  Heh, "it's not the trailer, it's me..."  Hmmm, maybe there could be a Beerbohm Award for that... I digress.

When I was a little kid, there were reruns of The Three Stooges on TV.  I once tried to hit my little brother on the head with a hammer because I saw it on an episode of The Three Stooges.  He was saved by my mom.  After that, we weren't allowed to watch The Three Stooges any more.  You still occasionally see people quoting the Stooges (not Iggy, though I've quoted him, too) or acting out Stooges slapstick, and I have said, in response to something stupid or clumsy, "Hey, Mo!"

Is this movie going to be funny in that old school slapstick sort of way, or will it just seem stupid? Speaking of stupid, maybe the makers of Jackass can pay homage to this in their next movie and hit each other in the heads with hammers... or will stupid kids (like me) try to hit each other in the heads with hammers?

I may be stupid and have been called a jackass, but I'm not Jackass stupid.

The synopsis for The Three Stooges reads:
Out to save their childhood home, only The Three Stooges could become embroiled in an oddball murder plot...while also stumbling into starring in a phenomenally successful TV reality show.

So, these modern day Stooges become embroiled in misadventures, like the old Stooges, but get their own reality show... like all the stooges that have reality shows today. 

Maybe this is the Farrelly reality TV parody...  I like that.

This is a Farrelly Brothers movie.  I just watched Hall Pass with the wife.  It was shit.  We own There's Something About Mary.  Shallow Hal was okay.  

Maybe this is just Dumb and Dumber 3?  Don't care much for that.

I rarely review a trailer that has so much going on and yet leaves me so empty.  There must be a reason for it...  You know what? I need to see this movie just to see if it's the trailer that sucks or just me...

Wednesday 18 April 2012

VIEWED: Contraband

My recommendation for this one was:

"What's with movies that glorify criminal activity? Maybe it's just the notion that the average man, when pushed to the brink, can emerge as an action hero and save the world. I guess it helps when the average man is an ex-criminal and is a lethal fighter.

If there was a video store in my neighbourhood, I may have rented this one. If I come across it on-line, I might watch it."

The wife and I tried to see this one sometime in March.  It was sold out and we ended up seeing War Horse (please see VIEWED: War Horse).

Was it worth the wait?  Not in the least.  Firstly, every character in this film was either a criminal, an accessory to a crime, or an asshole.  And, while it was well acted for what it was, this film wasted acting talent on an unoriginal, mediocre story.  Ribisi, Wahlberg, Beckinsale, Foster! Give your heads a shake.  You guys are better than this.

This movie was so dull and predictable that, even the one or two unexpected moments were met with yawns and eyes rolling.

Tuesday 17 April 2012

The Cabin in the Woods

The Cabin in the Woods is too obvious a title for this movie to be just another horror/slasher film about a bunch of people on vacation in a cabin in the woods.  A few things crossed my mind before seeing the trailer: Is this a joke? Is this a remake? Is this cabin by the lake and will Judd Nelson be the killer?

Whatever happened to Judd Nelson?  The Breakfast Club was a good movie.

Josh Whedon is the writer on this and, among his other works are the Firefly series and Serenity.  Loved them both.  This is a good sign.

The other writer, Drew Goddard, has worked with Whedon on several TV series and wrote, Cloverfield, which I also liked.  Another good sign.

For some reason the first part of the trailer made me draw comparisons to The Evil Dead movies - which were both creepy and hilarious.  The second part of the trailer made me think of a high tech version of Saw, only the people/victims in The Cabin in the Woods seem to be in the mess together.

So, why are these apparently normal young people being "punished/tortured" in a high tech prison disguised as a cabin in the woods?  Wrong place wrong time?  Government experiment?  Aliens, Scully, aliens? Seriously, that electronic web around the cabin was... well... not serious... it couldn't be.  Remember that whole suspension of disbelief thing?  Apply here.

It would likely cost millions, if not hundreds of millions of dollars to build such an elaborate torture cabin.  Who would build such a thing? It's either government or aliens because, frankly, supernatural forces just don't have the technology or financial resources to build that type of cabin in the woods.

I'm really curious to see this one because there must be more here than meets the... um...trailer.


Saturday 14 April 2012

VIEWED (finally): The Hunger Games

My recommendation for this one was:

"Holy, this movie is poised to break some box office records. It's based on a very successful trilogy, for young adults, written by Suzanne Collins. The hype is incredible.... To be honest, it looks very entertaining.... I liked what I saw in the trailer. It was very well done. I'll likely see this one, soon."

We tried to see The Hunger Games a few weeks ago but it was sold out. Imagine, a movie that is playing pretty much every hour on the hour at tens of thousands of movie theatres across the world would still be sold out.  We ended up going to Toys R Us. They still have Hot Wheels, and they were on sale!

Tonight we finally saw it.  In my trailer review I drew comparisons to novels, short stories and films.  While watching it, it did confirm the impressions I had,  and it also made me think of Lord of the Flies.  I guess because they were all young, divided into sort of clans and hunted the most noble of the group.

The wife commented that it was difficult to see a movie with so much hype behind it.  Sometimes your expectations let you down, sometimes you go in blindly because you've completely bought in to the hype. 

So, what's the verdict? We both became dizzy by some of the cinematograpy, at times it was slow moving and it's always difficult watching children die.  That said, The Hunger Games was well acted and well cast. Jennifer Lawrence was very compelling, as were all the young competitors. The supporting cast were outstanding. Stanley Tucci is alway great. Woody Harrelson always makes me laugh. Elizabeth Banks was priceless and we were surprised to see Lenny Kravitz. And of course, Donald Sutherland is larger than life... talk about screen presence.

While there was nothing new, nor original about the Hunger Games, I must say it was entertaining and strangley familiar... in a good way.

Glad we finally saw it.

Friday 13 April 2012


My recommendation for this one was:

"The whole Internet/social media aspect of Bad Ass gives the old theme a new take... kind of like teaching an old dog new tricks.... or judging a movie by its trailer.... This trailer was entertaining and that's often good enough for me."

The whole Internet/social media aspect was really like parsley on the plate... you notice it, sometimes eat it, but it isn't necessary.  This film didn't really attempt to provide anything new to the "average Joe hero who takes on injustice in a big way and actually wins" theme.  And while some parts were pretty unrealistic, Bad Ass is kind of fun and entertaining in a low-budget, made for TV kind of way. 

That said, Danny Trejo is the real deal bad ass (proof in his bio on IMDB). 

Thursday 12 April 2012

Bad Ass

If you are a regular on this blog, you know I go on the occasional rant about a few things...  You also may know that sometimes I rant about the same things.  In the past few months I've been ranting about ageing actors taking on bad ass roles to demonstrate that, just because they are ageing, they are still tough guys.  Some do it better than others but we see it in movies often.  We've seen it from Clint, and Bruce, and Liam, and Denzil and even Michael Caine.  I've qualified this rant by acknowledging that these top actors are probably pissed about ageing and, frankly, I'm pissed about my own ageing, too. So, I get it.

Based on the trailer, Bad Ass is the story of  a "senior citizen" (albeit in really good shape) that defends himself on a bus and ends up kicking the crap out of two young hoods.  The incident is captured on another passenger's video phone and posted on the internet.  The trailer tells us that this senior citizen has never used a keyboard, doesn't own a computer, nor has he ever been on the internet.  However, the popularity of the video makes him a hero and it appears that he becomes wrapped up in his new role as senior bad ass that he becomes a vigilante, of sorts.

When I was a teenager I was heading to a club to meet some friends. I was on a busy street and passed an alley where I heard a man yelling. I stopped to look and a guy was pushing a girl. I'm not sure why, but I was feeling righteous that day and entered the alley. I walked right up to the guy and said, "hey, leave her alone." He pushed me hard and I fell back on the concrete as he told me to "mind your own f**king business." As I was about to get up, both he and the girl left the alley. The funny thing was that they held hands as they walked away. In hindsight, I realized I could have been stabbed or shot. But what does one do to stop what they perceive as a crime? The police say to call the police, first. 

I really like vigilante movies.  I enjoy seeing regular people - generally underdogs - take matters into their own hands and seek out justice.  This theme is far from new, both on screen and in the real world.  On screen, the good guys usually win, or die for the right reasons.  In real life, I'm not sure if the good guys usually win.  When they do, we hear about it on the news.  But I think that's kind of like hearing about the 100 year old smoker - he's the exception and not the rule.

On film, though, the vigilante takes the law into his own hands and kicks ass... kicks bad ass.  The whole internet/social media aspect of Bad Ass gives the old theme a new take... kind of like teaching an old dog new tricks.... or judging a movie by its trailer....

This trailer was entertaining and that's often good enough for me.

Wednesday 11 April 2012

VIEWED: 21 Jump Street

My recommendation for this one was:

"While I didn't find the trailer for 21 Jump Street interesting or amusing, I kind of think that the actual film will be at least mildly entertaining. I hope Depp's cameo is worth the cost of admission."

The first 20 or so minutes of this film were basically elements of the trailer - and pretty much edited the same way.  While this was a distraction at first, I was also struck by the fact that this film, from the onset, is poking fun at itself, the teen genre and even the hypocrisy that is sometimes found in political correctness.  I laughed out loud (that's LOL for the kids) many times.  

Channing Tatum plays dumb very well... almost too well.  Jonah Hill is very good as a whiny sidekick.  These two had decent chemistry.  You were right again, Dan the Man.

Funny movie.  Glad I saw it.  Yes, and Depp's cameo was worth the cost of admission.

Sunday 8 April 2012

VIEWED: Everyday Sunshine: The story of Fishbone

My recommendation for this one was...

"This band rocks out with their cocks out ALL THE TIME....
I continued to buy the CDs and listen in awe to their genius, while never understanding why they weren't more popular. I look forward to seeing Everyday Sunshine to learn more and once again, be inspired by the music of Fishbone."

Wow.  I don't know what to say...

You hear stories about unrealized potential and wasted talent... But the Fishbone story is about realized talent reaching full potential and elevating music beyond record company categories, labels and musical genres.  Even as teenagers these guys were amazing musicians! Sadly, as Angelo says, "money does matter..."  But he says this after 25 years of struggle and ultimately, record sales and revenues are how success is measured.

Fishbone offered the world a tremendous gift in the most honest and creative way possible, unfortunately the world just didn't understand it or wasn't ready for it.

Chris, Lev, this is one of the best music documentaries I've ever seen.  Beautiful, sad, inspiring and so f**king real! 

I know I'll watch it again...  In the meantime, all Fishbone is back on my everyday playlist.


Saturday 7 April 2012

The Raven

About seven years ago I decided to remove clutter from my life.  My crummy little apartment in downtown Toronto had more books in it than available wall space.  While I had read many of them, many sat on the shelves, unread and rarely noticed.  I seemed to collect books without a real purpose and often boxes of books would find me. Yet, for some reason I was proud of all my books and wanted to be surrounded by them.  I think they made me feel smart or at least to visitors, look smart.  I'm not really that smart.  Old downtown apartments get dusty and books and bookshelves need to be dusted. Dust and clutter, at least for me, are not a healthy environment.

It came to pass one day that I looked at my dusty, cluttered little apartment and asked myself, why do I care so much about books that have been either read once or twice or not at all?  It occurred to me that others could enjoy them. So, I went through all of them and boxed them with the intention of giving them away.  What I learned about boxing books is that the boxes have to be both strong and small, because books are damn heavy.  The process was kind of liberating and I managed to get all the books into several dozen boxes.  All books, except for a few that I couldn't bring myself to part with.  One was the complete works of Shakespeare (again, F**K OFF, Anonymous), the others included my Edward Albee collection and the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe.

When I was a kid I read the Tell Tale Heart.  I loved it so much that I memorized the entire short story.

"True, nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses..." 

I loved A Cask of Amontillado and The Pit and the Pendulum and The Fall of the House of Usher, and of course, The Raven.  I didn't see the 1963 film, The Raven.

John Cusack has starred in some of my favourite movies:  The Grifters, Grosse Pointe Blank, High Fidelity, not necessarily in that order.  There is something so real and likable about Cusack.  In every role he just seems natural, honest, sincere.  I haven't seen all of his films, but this role looks very different from the usual Cusack role.  He is actually playing Edgar Allan Poe, himself.  And yet, from the trailer the honesty that is very Cusack comes through in The Raven.

That said, the trailer for the film was not at all what I expected. Poe is often credited for creating the modern day, logic based detective. Some believe his work spawned Sherlock Holmes and other fictional detectives. The Raven is not about the Poe poem, it's more of the complete works told through a detective story. A detective story about Edgar Allan Poe helping the police find a killer that is killing people in the manner which people die in Poe stories.  Kind of cool and creepy.

I don't care if this film draws comparisons to recent Sherlock Holmes films (which I also enjoy), Cusack, Poe and "from the Director of V for Vendetta" (another one of my favourites!) are an easy sell for me to want to see The Raven. 

Friday 6 April 2012

VIEWED: Midnight in Paris

My recommendation for this one was...

"Who's getting sick of Owen Wilson's pouty, whiny, sensitive guy character that he plays in, um, every movie?! With particular sensitivity to his off-screen personal fragility, his on-screen presence is getting so tired.

The whole Paris "magic" after midnight seems fun, though. The grass is always greener message (on vacation) is part of the fantasy of travel. Something every traveller has felt. I'm just not sure if I can watch Owen Wilson deliver what could potentially be a fun and thought provoking message."

Woody Allen cast the right person for the lead role.  Owen Wilson's character, Gil, was the pouty, whiny, sensitive guy character that Owen Wilson plays in every movie.  This time, however, it worked.

Midnight in Paris was an entertaining, clever dialogue driven film with a great "fantasy" cast of artists from the 1920's.  The actors playing them, Kathy Bates as Gertrude Stein, Adrien Brody as Salvador Dali, Tom Hiddlston and Alison Pill as Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald, Cory Stoll as Ernest Hemmingway and all the others, were highly entertaining and very charming.

I'm glad I saw this film and glad that Owen Wilson didn't ruin it for me.  Woody Allen clearly knows what he's doing... in film making, I mean. 

Thursday 5 April 2012

American Reunion

I used to subscribe to all the movie channels.  It got to a point, when you include pay-per-view movies and UFC, that my cable bill was ridiculously high.   As you know, the cable and satellite companies set it up (or at least they used to) so that you have to purchase "packages."  The movie package, sports package, news package etc. and of course the standard package of channels that you can usually get for free with a good antenna. 

The plus side was that in a five year time frame I saw hundreds, if not thousands of great, good, fair, bad, terrible movies.  Having such access, I'd seen many of those films, good and bad, more than once and viewed some that I'd never consider going out to see or even renting.  You know what I'm talking about.

I haven't had cable in about five years. I don't miss it because I'm not a fan of reality TV, and there is a lot of it out there. I still watch and enjoy some TV shows on-line, like The Walking Dead.

During my cable years, I saw the first two American Pie movies.  They were fun, stupid, silly but most importantly, entertaining.  Who out there hasn't used the line, "and last summer, at band camp..." when poking fun at someone who talks a lot or just throwing the line in randomly during a conversation?  I sometimes throw it in if I think the person I'm speaking with isn't paying attention or I say, "and then I jumped out of the plane without a parachute."

While the whole teenage, sex, friendship coming of age theme of the American Pie films is anything but original, these movies - at least the ones I've seen - were freaking hilarious.  While the whole reunion theme is anything but original, this reunion is with characters that made us laugh nine years ago.  Hopefully they can make us laugh again.

Yeah, I'll likely see this movie.


Tuesday 3 April 2012

Mirror Mirror

"I definitely have a happily ever after thing going on..."  Says the evil (yet comical queen) in this adaptation of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, played by Julia Roberts.

It's funny that she says it because during the 2+ minute trailer, I'm thinking that this film is just like the Cinderella movie with Drew Barrymore, Ever After.  It's a girl power story where the damsel isn't distressed by her distress and empowers herself to kick ass.  In case you are wondering why I know this, I watched it with my daughter. 
This movie comes out on the heals of Snow White and the Huntsman, which I hadn't seen, but reviewed the trailer in November 2011.  Imagine my confusion when I tried to find a review for it and discovered that it will not be released until June 2012.

Was it released, bombed at the box office and now will be re-released?  Am I going crazy?  Help me out.

Regardless, there are a slew of fairy tale movie remakes on the way... Beauty and the Beast, another Snow White, another Sleeping Beauty and also one called Maleficent (she's the evil witch in Sleeping Beauty).  And there are more, but you look them up...

Are there no comic books or graphic novels left?  Is the world of film now reduced to remaking fairy tales with "twists?"  Just for the record, there are no real twists in any of these and, NO, dark story-telling is not a twist.  All those fairy tales were dark to begin with.

Eric Roberts is kind of creepy.  I liked him in The Pope of Greenwich Village, though.

Julia Roberts is very charming on screen.  I'm not a huge fan, not because of her acting, but because of some of her films. 

Bob Roberts was a political satire with Tim Robbins.  He was awesome as Nuke La Louche in Bull Durham.

Movies like Mirror Mirror are like garnishes on your plate (parsley, a pickle, a wedge of orange) that you know are there, don't have a lot of substance, but you still eat but don't often think about or truly enjoy.

To quote my late friend Mark (rest his soul), "I'll teach you a lesson you'll soon forget."  Mirror Mirror applies.