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Wednesday 29 February 2012


I think I meant to review this trailer when I reviewed the trailer for Gone.  Gone is already over for me.  Goon, however... 

The thing about hockey is that it is so much more than violence and fighting.  It's actually a beautiful and flowing game played at a fast pace and it requires great skill, finesse, vision, instincts and a high level of physical ability and mental toughness.  But that's not what this movie is about.  Based on the trailer, this is one not so bright man's indoctrination into the not-so-subtleties of hockey... um fighting.  And by fluke...well, sort of.

I heard somewhere that this is the Tie Domi story.  Tie Domi played in the NHL for 15 years, mostly with the Toronto Maple Leafs.  He was considered a "goon" or enforcer, but was a pretty fast skater and made his presence felt on the ice.  He was also a fan favourite.  Off the ice, I know for a fact that he was involved in charitable work, especially working with children with disabilities.  The flip side is a story that was told to me.  My friend, Rob, was meeting a girl he was interested in at a bar.  At the bar was Tie Domi and Peter Ing.  Peter was a young goalie in the Maple Leafs organization and Peter also liked the girl.  Rob tells me that Peter and Tie saw Rob and the girl sitting at a table, joined them with two pitchers of beer and Tie "accidentally" spilled one of the pitchers on Rob.  True or not, I've known a few hockey players in my day and this didn't seem out of character. 

Goon is the story of the black sheep in a Jewish family who received more brawn than brain at birth and, by chance, becomes a minor league hockey player.  The trailer had a sort of a Slapshot feel.  Slapshot is THE fun goon hockey movie. Liev Schreiber, while I was surprised to see him in this one, is awesome in every role I've seen him in.  He actually looks the part of an ageing hockey tough guy - the handlebar moustache and mullet are perfect.  Sean William Scott plays this one innocently dim and, at least in the trailer he's pretty funny.  It was also funny to see another American Pie co-star, Eugene Levy, play the disappointed Jewish dad (I don't think Tie Domi is Jewish, I think he's Albanian).  Guilt combined with muscle is a sure fire recipe for lashing out at others. 

While the movie may not do the sport of Hockey justice, I might see this because I like Hockey and it looks like a harmless laugh.

Saturday 25 February 2012

VIEWED: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

My recommendation for this one was...

"While you expect a smart tale of espionage, treason and betrayal from the mind of John LeCarre, the trailer looked really, really dry. I was actually thirsty when it ended.

Despite the dry trailer, I have no doubt that Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy will be an entertaining, multi-layered and suspenseful story that will keep the audience guessing as to who the mole is until the very end.

I think Mark Strong is the mole."

Everything about this film was 70's authentic, from the clothes to the hair to the attitudes to the music and sets and even the general feel. 

But seriously, who wants to hear 70's men talk in "circus" code for 2 hours while nothing really happens?  I shouldn't say "nothing" because they catch the mole and it isn't Mark Strong. 

Gary Oldman is a great actor though his performance in this film was understated to the point of boring.  If he wins an Oscar it should be for his brilliant work as an actor and not for this role because he has done much better.

Let's just say that this movie is as dry as the trailer and I'm still thirsty. 

Thursday 23 February 2012

Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy

I know this film has been out for a while, but the wife and me and a few friends are seeing it tomorrow night so I figured I'd review the trailer.  I was actually surprised that this movie was still playing.  For the record, I wanted to see Safe House because it was the least unfavourable trailer review I'd written in a while. Yeah, sad, I know.

The trailer for this one was a slow whodunit teaser.  Watching the trailer you learn there's a high-level mole in MI6 - or whatever the intelligence service is - and you see snippets of spy stuff happening.  I trust the movie will be 2 hours of spy stuff until the mole is revealed.  While you expect a smart tale of espionage, treason and betrayal from the mind of John LeCarre, the trailer looked really, really dry.  I was actually thirsty when it ended.

Mark Strong is in this one. 

The first time I saw Gary Oldman, he was opposite Tim Roth in the film adaptation of the Tom Stoppard play, Rosengrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.  If you haven't seen it, go rent it, or torrent it.  It's hilarious in a Shakespearean way (again, f**k off Anonymous).  While these two bumbling servants of Hamlet (yes, Shakespeare's play) float along cluelessly, the actual story of Hamlet is going on in the background.  Oldman and Roth are genius.

Mark Strong always plays the bad guy in movies.

Gary Oldman is brilliant and versatile and it's great to see him in a leading role.  He's made tons of movies and I haven't seen them all, or most for that matter but... Who didn't love his Rastaman killer in True Romance?  Who didn't love his psycho corrupt cop in The Professional?  As Dracula in Bram Stoker's Dracula?  He stole every seen, even when he wasn't on screen.  He even played Sid Vicious in Sid and Nancy. 

Despite the dry trailer, I have no doubt that Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy will be an entertaining, multi-layered and suspenseful story that will keep the audience guessing as to who the mole is until the very end.

I think Mark Strong is the mole.


You'd think that Jennifer Carpenter would have had enough of serial killers.  She's been playing Dexter's sister for six seasons, now.  Did I mention that I thought season 6 of Dexter was a complete and total waste of time, given that I really liked all 5 previous seasons?  Here is my response to a close friend who thought season 6 of Dexter was "awesome."

"Yeah, Norman Bates was his own mother... no wait... Travis was Dr. Gellar... no wait... mother was in his head... no wait... meticulous clarity from a delusional mind...  no wait... Dexter finds and loses God because God took his friend and Dex loses the code... no wait... He changes the code... no wait, what's the code? Deb loves Dexter...ahh, sick considering that they were together in real life... and season closes on cliffhanger, which it never did in the past but had to do this season or nobody would watch the next season..... F**KING DISAPPOINTING SOAP OPERA NONSENSE, categorically speaking :)"

Gone. My first impression of the trailer, after seeing Amanda Sigfried's wide-set eyes was:  beware of women with wide-set eyes.  I've known a few and, in my experience, there is some form of crazy behind them.  Not that we judge on Beerbohmtastic...  

One of the nominees for a Beerbohm Award is Dream House, in the category of Most Misleading Trailer.  For some reason Gone made me think of Dream House.  Dream House was a tragic story about a delusional mind who couldn't come to grips with his past to the point of blocking it out.  His past and present collide and, in the end there is a level of closure, albeit still very tragic.

Though a slightly different story, Gone looks very similar.  Wide-eyed Amanda, who looks kind of delusional anyway, believes that her sister has been abducted by the same person that abducted her a few years earlier.  From what I get from the trailer, the police didn't believe that Amanda was abducted and she was put in an psychiatric institution OR they don't believe that Amanda's sister was abducted and they try to put her in a psychiatric institution OR both.  The point is that nobody believes her so she believes that she has to find the truth.

Finding the truth will answer: are Amanda's experiences real or is she completely delusional.  In Dream House there was a touch of reality combined with much delusion until the reality came crashing down.  In Gone, I suspect this point to be somewhat similar, but there has to be some kind of major twist.  The twist can't be that she was right all along because the trailer implies this when she talks to who we are made to think is the killer.   If that's the case then the only reason to watch the movie is to find out how she proves her story.

It seems too simple, which is annoying because the trailer tells us as much.  Maybe there is more?  Maybe she's the killer and she abducts her sister and she's messing with the police and the psychiatric profession and her friends.  And hopefully, Jennifer Carpenter doesn't walk in on Amanda killing someone like she does in Dexter.  But, you know, Amanda does have wide-set eyes...

I'll likely watch this one on-line, out of curiosity, if I come across it.

Tuesday 21 February 2012

Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance

When is a comic book movie not a comic book movie?  When it stars Nicholas Cage? 

As one who loves comic book movies, even if I didn't read the comic book, it pains me to avoid seeing the films.  Case in point: The Green Lantern.  No need for me to rant again about Ryan.  It's time for another rant.  Hello, Mr. Cage.  No, I didn't see the first Ghost Rider.

Damn it, Nick!  You've made some great movies! You vs. yourself and having to take on the lone rider of the apocolypse in Raising Arizona? That was played beautifully.  Moonstruck? Even though you played the same type of doofus, you were still believable.  Leaving Las Vegas? Good one, too.  Adaptation and Matchstick Men showed that you actually had acting chops and you know what? They were good movies.   The wife loved Captain Corelli's Mandolin, which I refer to as Captain Crunch's Violin (or more appropriately, fiddle). Shit, for what it was, I enjoyed Lord of War.

Nicholas Cage is another in a long endless line of aging actors who need to be super heroes (in this case anti-heroes)... but I've done this rant already, too....

So, now that Nick has defeated the lone rider of the apocolypse, he IS the lone rider of the apocolypse in Ghost Rider.  And it only took 20 years!  In between (and after) he's made a ton of movies... many of which I just haven't seen.

The thing about Cage is that I don't know if he makes a movie or he has the clout to do whatever he wants.  Help me out here, readers, am I way off base about this guy? What do you think of Nicholas Cage?  Click on "comments" below or just email me at beerbohmtastic@gmail.com

Okay.  The trailer for Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance shows our anti-hero coming out of hiding in order to prevent the devil from taking the soul of his son... or something like that.  So, our bad guy who is good has to take on the ultimate bad guy and his minions.  And, from the look of the trailer, our bad guy who is good will defeat the devil/satan/the head dude of the underworld - or at least make a deal to save his son.  Very few, if any, can beat the devil unless of course you go down to Georgia...

Speaking of which, I'd rather listen to the Charlie Daniels Band play the Devil went down to Georgia - great song, by the way - and picture the battle in my head then have to endure 95 minutes of another shite adaptation of a comic book movie.

You've made some good ones, Nick, but I doubt this is one of them.

Sunday 19 February 2012

VIEWED: Underworld Awakening

I'd seen the trailer for this one, unintentionally several times. It was placed as an add on, of sorts, after many other trailers that I intentionally viewed.  The policy at Beerbohmtastic is to review by choice or request.

So, while I didn't review the trailer, I watched the film.  A first at Beerbohmtastic.

That said, I like Kate Beckinsale and enjoyed the only Underworld film I'd seen.  Underworld Awakening, however, was a waste of 75 minutes.

To quote the wife, in her review of Colombiana, how was Underworld Awakening?

"It was shit."

Saturday 18 February 2012

Here are your nominees for the Inaugural Beerbohm Awards for Movie Trailers

And the nominees for the 2012 Inaugural Beerbohm Awards are:


The Best Trailer Award is given to the trailer which truly teases, entertains and leaves the viewer wanting more.

The nominees for best trailer are:

Red State

Apollo 18

The Descendants


The Debt


The Worst Trailer Award is given to the trailer that left the viewer (me) annoyed,
but not annoyed enough to dump it in the trailer park.

The nominees for worst trailer are:


A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas 3D

Jack and Jill

Shark Night 3D

This Means War


The Most Misleading Trailer goes to the trailer that misrepresented the film.
It applies to either a good trailer for a bad film or bad trailer for a good film.

The nominees for the most misleading trailer are:


The Grey

Dream House

Reel Steel



The Worst Spoiler Trailer goes to the trailer that gives so much away
that there was no point seeing the movie (even though I may have).

The nominees for the worst spoiler trailer are:

The Help


Straw Dogs

Monte Carlo

The Whistleblower

Final Destination 5


The Best Music in a Trailer goes to the trailer with either the best overall music or song.

The nominees for the best music in a trailer are:

Queen Bitch by David Bowie (Young Adult trailer)

The Immigrant Song, performed by Trent Reznor (The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo - 2011, trailer - David Fincher version)

No Church in the Wild, performed by Jay-Z and Kanye West (Safe House trailer)


Snow White and the Huntsman:
It once pained me to know that I am the cause of such despair...
but now their cries give me strength.
Spoken by Charlize Theron

Conan the Barbarian:
I live, I love, I slay... I am content
Spoken by Jason Momoa

Red State:
I think it's the use of the word 'repeat' that makes this work, everytime
Spoken by Kevin Pollack

A tumor? Me? That doesn't make sense. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I recycle.
Spoken by Joseph Gordon-Levitt

The Avengers:
If we can't protect the earth, you can be damn sure we'll avenge it.
Spoken by Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man)

Congratulations to all nominees.  Winners will be announced the week after the Oscars!

Thursday 16 February 2012

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

This one is by request...

Okay, the accomplishments of Abraham Lincoln are well documented... not to mention the nickname "honest Abe."  The dude is righteous.  He played an important role in American history (thanks historyking.com) during the Civil war. His heroic efforts helped preserve the Union.

Other accomplishments include:
  • The Proclamation of Emancipation which was responsible for ending slavery in the southern states.
  • Inspiring speeches, including The Gettysburg Address.
  • He is often  quoted. My favourite being: It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool then to open ones mouth and remove all doubt.
  • The Homestead Act, which allowed the poorer people in the east to get land in the western part of the country.
  • The Morrill Act was passed to ensure that every state had an agricultural and mechanical college. The National Banking Act helped all the banks to be nationalized and get connected through networks in the United States.
  • When Lincoln took office the country was in a chaotic state in the Civil War. His excellent foreign policy made sure that America did not come under attack from any foreign countries because of the unrest in the country due to the Civil War. 
  • He is the role model for every president that gets elected to the Oval Office.
Sorry for the history lesson (thanks again historyking.com) but of all of this man's great accomplishments, perhaps the most important is:  Vampire Hunter?

I can see how it would be a cool period piece - I liked the look and feel of Sleepy Hollow. And, you expect a dark, perhaps even twisted perspective from Tim Burton. The shorter of the two trailers (the longer one is really, really cheesy and looks almost spoof-ish - the wife says that the trailer on Youtube is actually a trailer for the book) is the better of the two and bills: From the director of Wanted, Timur Bekmambetov...  Wanted was an interesting Clive Barker-ish concept that had a decent cast, good action and all the elements of cool... but was very disappointing.  I'd compare it to blue balls.  He's also done other vampire things, but I haven't seen them.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is based on the novel by Seth Grahame-Smith and is written in "found footage" style... I should say "found secret diaries and letters" style. Interesting concept. 

So, will this be a Tim Burton film that looks beautiful and has a tongue-in-cheek element like Sleepy Hollow or will it take itself too seriously? Or is it just an odd, albeit interesting attempt at breathing new life into vampires on film after they were almost destroyed at the box office (and by the Twilight Shite) in the last 10 years by zombies. 

You'd be pretty hard pressed to find a dude more righteous than Abe.  If he can end slavery, why not kill vampires, too?

I'm too curious to miss this one.

Tuesday 14 February 2012

This Means War

I must be getting old.

Suspension of disbelief should allow a viewer to accept the unbelievable in a film.

The use of government resources, weapons, gadgets and personnel, for personal purposes is corruption.

The trailer tells us that two best buddy, highly dangerous CIA agents discover that they are dating the same girl.  Then it becomes a spy vs. spy (which was funny in all its brevity in Mad Magazine) attempt to sabotage the other, apparently utilizing all of their training.

Why would two, clearly attractive and deadly CIA agents who happen to be best friends, wage war on one another for a women?  And after tens of millions of dollars are spent on destruction - a lot of shit blows up in the trailer - is the moral of the story going to be that no women should get in the way of friendship?  Are we going to learn that they decide to team up and pull a prank on her because she can't choose?  So, is it just me or is this just another stupid premise for blowing shit up (and I like shit blowing up)?  Even if the prize is a clueless, albeit immensely talented and hot, Reese Witherspoon?

While the film could potentially be funny, in a completely mindless cartoonish sort of way, I'm having trouble with the suspension of disbelief thing - i.e. these idiots would be sent to Guantanamo for using CIA resources.

The thing is: when something looks so blatantly stupid that it pisses me off, I can't help but think that I might be missing something.  Like maybe, could this be a metaphor for friendship? How about for trust?  How about the virtues of monogamy and how all else is too complicated?  Shit, I if you don't already know this stuff, I'm sure you could learn it from Barney or Dora or whomever the kiddie role model of the month is. 

I am so annoyed by this trailer that I think I will actually see This Means War.  It's fun being wrong, but even more fun being right.

Saturday 11 February 2012

VIEWED: Chronicle

My recommendation for this one was....

"If done well, Chronicle could be a really cool examination of the good/evil struggle. It could also be like watching a train wreck. Like the morbid fascination of staring at the scene of a bloody wreckage, I am interested in seeing Chronicle for the same reason."

Yes, it was done well.  Yes, it was a cool examination of right vs. wrong.  Yes, it was like watching a train wreck.  Yes, I found it entertaining, and even kind of sad.  And yes, I enjoyed it.

The coolest thing about Chronicle is that it's only 75 minutes long, which means: like the movie or not, it doesn't take up too much of your time.

Friday 10 February 2012

Safe House

Talk about opposite leading men in this one... Denzel Washington is an Oscar winning actor who has made some great, or at the very least, interesting movies.  From the first time I saw him on screen in, A Soldier's Story, I knew he would be a big star. 

Didn't I write something recently about ageing actors wanting to be action heroes?  No need to rant about that again... here's a new rant...

Then you have Ryan Reynolds.  I've never seen him in anything that has been remotely entertaining, most often due to his acting.  Though I love comic book movies, I refused to see The Green Lantern because of him.  I hear it was shite, anyway. The only thing this guy does well is take off his shirt (props for using your looks to make a career; no shame in that).  Otherwise, from his voice to his on-screen arrogance, he must be someone important's nephew, because I don't know how or why he gets cast so often.

He's kind of like a modern version of that other shirt removing, nephew of someone - also a dud - Steve Guttenberg.  Remember him? Cocoon and the Police Academy movies?  Meh.

Regardless, the trailer for Safe House was entertaining in a big budget, action movie sort of way.   It looks like another variation of every rogue spy on the run movie, but this one combines the "buddy picture" element (you know, a mis-matched pair having to work together for the sake of survival).  Heh, the buddy element... the dog from Turner and Hooch may not be as good looking as Ryan Reynolds, but is just as good an actor.  Sorry Ryan, while I respect that you've made a successful career, I'm just not a fan.

Did the studios think that a male rogue spy movie (when was the last one? way back in 2011?) would be a refreshing change from the last two female rogue spy pictures, Colombiana and Haywire? Are the studios that organized or is the strategy simply to produce what sells and make a profit?  I ask a dumb question. I guess if it's entertaining to the public it doesn't matter.

I doubt Safe House will wow me, but it may keep me entertained as I chow down on popcorn and other overpriced cinema treats, while I stare down at my lack of abs.  And, if Ryan Reynolds can avoid being Ryan Reynolds and show more acting ability than skin, Safe House may even surprise me...

Thursday 9 February 2012

Nine Queens (Nueve reinas) 2001 - Argentina

A very close friend of mine leads a monthly movie night called "edible cinema."  Each month a different host  picks a film and a meal to go with the film.  I used to be invited monthly, but I think because I haven't yet attended, the invitations have become less frequent. 

Continuing with the "edible cinema" theme, as the film is Argentinian, so will be the food and wine.  I don't know anything about Argentinian food and the only Argentinian wine that I know and have had many glasses of is, Fuzion.  Like many of my favourite wines, it's cheap and cheerful. 

As I will likely not attend - sorry kids - my contribution is to review this film in my usual way.

Nine Queens is not a movie about nine cross-dressing female impersonators - just so you know.  From the trailer, Nine Queens is about two con artists who team up to run small time scams on a variety of marks (I think "mark" is the term for victim in con artist lingo).  They decide to go for a bigger con, one involving a collection of nine stamps, all with a queen on them (hence the title).  Well, as in all caper movies with a sense of humour, the complicated scam comes with complications.... all of which look kind of funny, though I'm not sure if this is a comedy.

The trailer kind of made me think of that Guy Ritchie movie, Snatch, which came out a year earlier.  Snatch is still one of my favourites, so if this is half as good, then it'll be entertaining.  My absolute favourite work of Guy Ritchie is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X13akB5-_kA.  It's 8:57 min. of pure comic genius - and bless Madonna for being such a great sport.

That said, Nine Queens (Nueve reinas), looks like a fun movie.  I hope I get a chance to see it.

Bueno appetit, my friends.

Wednesday 8 February 2012

The Inaugural Beerbohm Awards, In recognition of movie trailers...

In the spirit of this blog, I introduce you to The Beerbohm Awards:  in recognition of movie trailers.  Please note that the Beerbohms are awarded only to movie trailers that I've seen since starting this blog in August 2011 and are not an award for the actual movie.  The Oscars are for that...
The categories for the Inaugural Beerbohm Awards are:

Best Trailer

Worst Trailer

Best Music in a Trailer

Best One-Liner in a Trailer

Worst Spoiler Trailer

Most Misleading Trailer

The Nominees will be released on Sunday, February 18th.  Nominations from readers are welcome.  Either comment on the blog or email your nominations to beerbohmtastic@gmail.com.

Stay tuned...

Tuesday 7 February 2012


What could be worse than giving a loaded gun to an idiot and asking him not to hurt himself or anyone else?  If power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely AND with great power comes great responsibility, then telekinetic power in the hands of teenagers can be both funny and terrifying.

The premise for Chronicle is that a group of teens stumble upon something - a force of some kind - that gives them super powers.  At first, it's all about childish pranks.  Scaring people, moving cars, practical jokes, removing women's clothing.  But then it becomes something more.  As limits are pushed and the realisation of the extent of the power grows, individual darker sides begin to emerge.

What I found interesting about the trailer is that it's all fun until someone dies.  Once one of them crosses the line... the right/wrong, good/evil, legal/illegal line, the rest become divided.  Some are repulsed by the ability to destroy while others are drawn to it.

Max Beerbohm said that "to destroy is still the strongest instinct in nature."

The power that the kids in Chronicle acquire is pretty spectacular.  It looks like, with a wave of a hand, they can destroy cars, buildings and, yes, people.  What would you do with such power?

Would you use it for personal gain?  Would you help others?  Would you hurt others? Would you hurt that driver that cut you off?  What would you do to the teacher that doesn't appreciate your genius and gives you a C+ on your absurdist paper on absurdist playwrights? What about that rude guy in the grocery store?  How about the mechanic who tried to rip you off?  Would you rob banks?  Would you send food to the hungry? Would you join the military so that you could help your country? Would you torture then kill all paedophiles and child molesters? 

If done well, Chronicle could be a really cool examination of the good/evil struggle.  It could also be like watching a train wreck.  Like the morbid fascination of staring at the scene of a bloody wreckage, I am interested in seeing Chronicle for the same reason.