I found three trailers on line for this one. I chose the 2:32 trailer, first. It should have ended at about the halfway point - way too much detail. Then I watched the "official trailer" with a length of 1:15. It was almost perfect. It's what a trailer should be... just enough and you barely see the villain. Hearing the villain's voice is just enough.
And what a villain! Christoph Waltz is a perfect combination of comical and menacing. He steals every scene he's in in Inglorious Bastards, he is perfect in Django Unchained and he's comically magnificent in The Green Hornet. And yes, I'm still pissed off at you, Seth Rogan, for butchering one of my favourites! I'm almost over it.
The wife said that while she likes Daniel Craig as an actor his face looks like "a bag of smashed assholes." I'm not sure what that means and when I asked her she said, "my brothers used to say that..." Um... okay.
I think he's a good actor but I don't like this new Bond franchise. Bond is supposed to be rugged, suave, a lady's man, detached from true emotion - gritty with a wry sense of humour.
This new Bond doesn't cut it for me. Too much back story. Too much emotion. Bond is supposed to do the job with style and finesse - car chases and explosions. Bond gets the girl, then moves on with no pining.
Spectre: number 4 in the new franchise. Casino Royale was okay. Quantum of Solace was the worst Bond film ever made and arguably one of the worst films of the spy genre, ever. Skyfall should have been called Cryfall, though Javier Bardem was freaking hilarious.
As I said, the short trailer for Spectre was very good, near perfect and if I have enough energy to bring back the Beerbohm Awards, it might warrant a nomination for best trailer.
So, I will see this film because of Christoph Waltz and because I suspect Craig may be close to the end of his Bond days. How many crap scripts can a good actor deal with before he moves on?
Please note: The views of the wife do not necessarily reflect the views of Beerbohmtastic.
Monday, 30 November 2015
Friday, 6 November 2015
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Last Friday night I participated in a fundraising event for a local charity. It was a music trivia game and my team was filled with my buddies. While our music knowledge was good enough to have us finish 29th out of 50 teams - we tanked on duets and trios and songs written after 2010 by women one-hit wonders.... yeah, I know.
One of my buddies, no, all of my buddies are movie buffs in some capacity. Yeah, we like sports and cars and I recently got my first chainsaw, which is f**king awesome... but I digress. During one of the breaks Kevin, who is the true Star Wars buff in the group, started talking about the new movie. He was so excited about it. Everyone else jumped into the conversation to give insights and opinions.
First three which were the last three were better than the last three which were the first three which were prequels to the first three which were the last three because the last three were the prequels and how the first episode which was the fourth episode if you go by release date but it had "episode 1" in the title really got the first three which were the last three off to a bad start and while the consensus was that six which is really three was better than four and five which were really one and two, the last three which are the first three were not very good.
But there was a ton of buzz around episode 7 which is episode 7. And the buzz was around everything being good again.
So, then I watched the trailer.
Carrie Fisher is back. Mark Hamill is back. Harrison Ford is back, but 30 years after episode 6 which was release third. Man, they look old. Man, I feel old. Man, the trailer was kind of depressing.
I loved Star Wars 4, 5 & 6 which were released as 1, 2 & 3 very much. But I didn't feel any excitement watching the trailer for 7 the first time. I didn't feel any excitement the second time, either. I'm not sure if it had something to do with my youngest son, Jack, wiping out my iPhone this morning and me not having a phone all day.
I watched it a third time and still nothing. Looks like the dark side is riding a high but the force is mounting a comeback. Kind of like the empire has struck back but now the Jedi are returning but in episode 7, not in 5 or 6 which were released as 2 and 3.
I didn't see Yoda.
I'll definitely watch this film because I loved 4, 5 & 6, but I'm not getting sucked into the hype.
Yeah, I know...
One of my buddies, no, all of my buddies are movie buffs in some capacity. Yeah, we like sports and cars and I recently got my first chainsaw, which is f**king awesome... but I digress. During one of the breaks Kevin, who is the true Star Wars buff in the group, started talking about the new movie. He was so excited about it. Everyone else jumped into the conversation to give insights and opinions.
First three which were the last three were better than the last three which were the first three which were prequels to the first three which were the last three because the last three were the prequels and how the first episode which was the fourth episode if you go by release date but it had "episode 1" in the title really got the first three which were the last three off to a bad start and while the consensus was that six which is really three was better than four and five which were really one and two, the last three which are the first three were not very good.
But there was a ton of buzz around episode 7 which is episode 7. And the buzz was around everything being good again.
So, then I watched the trailer.
Carrie Fisher is back. Mark Hamill is back. Harrison Ford is back, but 30 years after episode 6 which was release third. Man, they look old. Man, I feel old. Man, the trailer was kind of depressing.
I loved Star Wars 4, 5 & 6 which were released as 1, 2 & 3 very much. But I didn't feel any excitement watching the trailer for 7 the first time. I didn't feel any excitement the second time, either. I'm not sure if it had something to do with my youngest son, Jack, wiping out my iPhone this morning and me not having a phone all day.
I watched it a third time and still nothing. Looks like the dark side is riding a high but the force is mounting a comeback. Kind of like the empire has struck back but now the Jedi are returning but in episode 7, not in 5 or 6 which were released as 2 and 3.
I didn't see Yoda.
I'll definitely watch this film because I loved 4, 5 & 6, but I'm not getting sucked into the hype.
Yeah, I know...
Monday, 26 October 2015
VIEWED: The Martian
My trailer review for The Martian said:
"The Martian trailer should have stopped when Matt Damon has to be MacGyver to survive. We don't need to know the politics and challenges around a rescue mission. All we need to know is that there might be one but Matt's going to do real cool stuff and endure challenges while he waits. I'm sure the wife will want to see this. I want to see it, too. Kristen Wiig looks serious. That I want to see."
Yup. The trailer pretty much gives the whole film away - other than the details, of course.
Yup. Matt does a lot of really cool stuff to survive - REALLY cool stuff.
Yup. Politics and challenges around the rescue mission were better served in the film than the trailer.
Yup. Yup Kristen Wiig is serious, but even when she's serious she seems dry and funny.
MacGyver on Mars. With all due respect.
While the film felt slow at times, Matt Damon's banter with the "camera" as he's logging his experiences seems real, charming, perfectly fitting. His performance, the story, the cast, were compelling and quite believable - for me anyway. That said, the slowish pace did reflect the long ordeal faced by Matt.
Blah, blah, blah...
I love this space movie stuff. As the credits were rolling and not knowing until that moment that it was a Ridley Scott film, confirmed and explained the feeling that this was indeed a satisfying film.
I asked the wife what she thought of it. She said: I liked it. It was good.
PLEASE NOTE: The views of the wife do not necessarily reflect the views of Beerbohmtastic.
In this case, however, they do.
"The Martian trailer should have stopped when Matt Damon has to be MacGyver to survive. We don't need to know the politics and challenges around a rescue mission. All we need to know is that there might be one but Matt's going to do real cool stuff and endure challenges while he waits. I'm sure the wife will want to see this. I want to see it, too. Kristen Wiig looks serious. That I want to see."
Yup. The trailer pretty much gives the whole film away - other than the details, of course.
Yup. Matt does a lot of really cool stuff to survive - REALLY cool stuff.
Yup. Politics and challenges around the rescue mission were better served in the film than the trailer.
Yup. Yup Kristen Wiig is serious, but even when she's serious she seems dry and funny.
MacGyver on Mars. With all due respect.
While the film felt slow at times, Matt Damon's banter with the "camera" as he's logging his experiences seems real, charming, perfectly fitting. His performance, the story, the cast, were compelling and quite believable - for me anyway. That said, the slowish pace did reflect the long ordeal faced by Matt.
Blah, blah, blah...
I love this space movie stuff. As the credits were rolling and not knowing until that moment that it was a Ridley Scott film, confirmed and explained the feeling that this was indeed a satisfying film.
I asked the wife what she thought of it. She said: I liked it. It was good.
PLEASE NOTE: The views of the wife do not necessarily reflect the views of Beerbohmtastic.
In this case, however, they do.
Monday, 19 October 2015
VIEWED: Hotel Transylvania 2
It's funny how things work out. You say you don't want to do something and it ends up happening. Case in point: seeing Hotel Transylvania 2.
So, it's Saturday morning. My wife is at work and I'm hanging with my young sons. We're about to go for a bike ride when I get the first of two texts. The first text is from my wife reminding me that her friend and daughter are coming for dinner and spending the night. She asks if I'll make up the spare room.
I don't mind her friend and the daughter is a great kid and gets along well with my sons, but my wife and her friend spend all their time talking about yoga and cleansing shakes. They talk about bodies and child birth and then they do restorative poses - general well-being stuff. The first year of this subject matter was interesting, and I enjoyed watching the poses; now I just tune out. Her friend also doesn't shut up. Literally, I'm not sure she's ever taken a pause to take a breath. As a result, if you have to go to the bathroom, you have to interrupt her in mid-sentence. I was not looking forward to the evening.
The second text was from my buddy, Will, who asked if my son and I would like to join him and his son to see "Back to the Future." The original was playing at our local cinema. As we were having company I told him that my son couldn't go but I would be happy to join them. Very cool as I now got out of spending the evening with our company.
The wife informed me that I should double check as she wasn't sure "Back to the Future" was released yet - something about the 30 year anniversary. I ignored her as nothing would prevent me from getting out of the house...
On the way to the cinema, I checked to make sure it was playing. We got our dates wrong. The wife was right. No "Back to the Future." I texted her to tell her so (she likes when I'm wrong). So... we took his kid to see Hotel Transylvania 2.
My trailer review said:
"The only good thing I can say about the trailer for Hotel Transylvania 2 is that it was less than two-and-a-half minutes. Still 30 seconds too long but... actually it was 2 1/2 minutes too long. I trust when my kids are older and the world has accepted blood thirsty killers like werewolves and vampires as misunderstood BFF's that just need a hug, Sandler's Hotel Transylvania franchise will seem relevant."
Hotel Transylvania 2...
Lame synopsis: Drac (he of the worst Dracula voice in history) becomes a grandfather, by the age of five we'll know if grandson is a vampire or mortal. Daughter wants to move to California. Drac tries every trick in book to help grandson become vampire. Times have changed - monsters are accepted (already had this rant in trailer review). Drac's dad, Vlad, is invited to 5th birthday party. Vlad is a badass and his minions are badasses, too. All hell - well, mild hell... well, kid appropriate heck breaks loose and..... happy ending.
What struck me about the movie as I'm watching it is that it wasn't funny or entertaining at all. In the theatre the entire audience did not laugh at the same time during the "gags." Imagine a gag and one person to your right laughing at it. One person. There was one lady behind me to my left that laughed at every other gag. The guy behind me laughed once at an odd time but it was a belly laugh so distracting that two people laughed after him - but I think they were only laughing at him.
All that to say this move represented yet another 90 minutes of my life that I will never get back.
What a boring, uninspired, waste of time.
So, it's Saturday morning. My wife is at work and I'm hanging with my young sons. We're about to go for a bike ride when I get the first of two texts. The first text is from my wife reminding me that her friend and daughter are coming for dinner and spending the night. She asks if I'll make up the spare room.
I don't mind her friend and the daughter is a great kid and gets along well with my sons, but my wife and her friend spend all their time talking about yoga and cleansing shakes. They talk about bodies and child birth and then they do restorative poses - general well-being stuff. The first year of this subject matter was interesting, and I enjoyed watching the poses; now I just tune out. Her friend also doesn't shut up. Literally, I'm not sure she's ever taken a pause to take a breath. As a result, if you have to go to the bathroom, you have to interrupt her in mid-sentence. I was not looking forward to the evening.
The second text was from my buddy, Will, who asked if my son and I would like to join him and his son to see "Back to the Future." The original was playing at our local cinema. As we were having company I told him that my son couldn't go but I would be happy to join them. Very cool as I now got out of spending the evening with our company.
The wife informed me that I should double check as she wasn't sure "Back to the Future" was released yet - something about the 30 year anniversary. I ignored her as nothing would prevent me from getting out of the house...
On the way to the cinema, I checked to make sure it was playing. We got our dates wrong. The wife was right. No "Back to the Future." I texted her to tell her so (she likes when I'm wrong). So... we took his kid to see Hotel Transylvania 2.
My trailer review said:
"The only good thing I can say about the trailer for Hotel Transylvania 2 is that it was less than two-and-a-half minutes. Still 30 seconds too long but... actually it was 2 1/2 minutes too long. I trust when my kids are older and the world has accepted blood thirsty killers like werewolves and vampires as misunderstood BFF's that just need a hug, Sandler's Hotel Transylvania franchise will seem relevant."
Hotel Transylvania 2...
Lame synopsis: Drac (he of the worst Dracula voice in history) becomes a grandfather, by the age of five we'll know if grandson is a vampire or mortal. Daughter wants to move to California. Drac tries every trick in book to help grandson become vampire. Times have changed - monsters are accepted (already had this rant in trailer review). Drac's dad, Vlad, is invited to 5th birthday party. Vlad is a badass and his minions are badasses, too. All hell - well, mild hell... well, kid appropriate heck breaks loose and..... happy ending.
What struck me about the movie as I'm watching it is that it wasn't funny or entertaining at all. In the theatre the entire audience did not laugh at the same time during the "gags." Imagine a gag and one person to your right laughing at it. One person. There was one lady behind me to my left that laughed at every other gag. The guy behind me laughed once at an odd time but it was a belly laugh so distracting that two people laughed after him - but I think they were only laughing at him.
All that to say this move represented yet another 90 minutes of my life that I will never get back.
What a boring, uninspired, waste of time.
Wednesday, 7 October 2015
Hotel Transylvania 2
Recap:
My trailer review of the first Hotel Transylvania said:
'The wife had been bugging me for a week to go and see the film and I kept refusing. She finally convinced me to watch the trailer. I'm glad I did. Any film that pays homage - even comically - to something I love(d) [vampires and werewolves] is a film I want to see. And, the wife is happy. Everybody wins, unless it's crap. Stay tuned.'
After I saw it, I wrote:
"Hotel Transylvania was crap. Great cast was wasted. Sandler's Dracula voice was, arguably, the worst Dracula voice in the history of Dracula impersonators. You know how some movies made for kids have elements that adults can appreciate? This isn't one of them. The wife said it was a boring movie with a weak story. She's so diplomatic."
That said, Hotel Transylvania Also, or Also Hotel Transylvania or Hotel Transylvania, Too is nonsense. Suspension of disbelief? Not for this crap. Viewers seemed to enjoy it given the viewer ratings, so what do I know? But what the f**K happened to Adam Sandler? The lovable, goof/goofy film maker is now making more DRECK (Yiddish for "shit") than anything remotely entertaining.
I grew up fearing Frankenstein's monster and vampires and werewolves and the bogeyman etc. I loved watching old horror/monster/sci-fi flicks. While there would be the occasional misunderstood monster (Okay, Frankenstein's creation could have gone either way), vampires, werewolves and zombies are scary murderers and not meant to be friendly. So, if my 5 year old watches Hotel Transylvania and thinks all these monsters are good, then at age 7 stumbles upon An American Werewolf in London or Bram Stoker's Dracula in the old DVD bin thinking these are stories about nice monsters, will he be more traumatised or less traumatised?
Maybe I'm just getting less tolerant as I get older and strive to be a responsible parent. Maybe I'm just a judgemental asshole...
The Hotel Transylvania 2 trailer tells the story of Dracula's daughter who marries a mortal-ish guy (who she met in the first movie), they now have a son and grandpa Drac is worried that we will not be a blood sucking murderer. Drac's daughter just wants the kid to have a normal life.
How twisted and ass-backwards is that? I wish I had more time to rant on this one... The first one was crap. This one looks like crap and Adam Sandler should just stop the nonsense and make Happy Gilmore 2 or Happier Gilmore.
The only good thing I can say about the trailer for Hotel Transylvania 2 is that it was less than two-and-a-half minutes. Still 30 seconds too long but... actually it was 2 1/2 minutes too long. I trust when my kids are older and the world has accepted blood thirsty killers like werewolves and vampires as misunderstood BFF's that just need a hug, Sandler's Hotel Transylvania franchise will seem relevant.
My trailer review of the first Hotel Transylvania said:
'The wife had been bugging me for a week to go and see the film and I kept refusing. She finally convinced me to watch the trailer. I'm glad I did. Any film that pays homage - even comically - to something I love(d) [vampires and werewolves] is a film I want to see. And, the wife is happy. Everybody wins, unless it's crap. Stay tuned.'
After I saw it, I wrote:
"Hotel Transylvania was crap. Great cast was wasted. Sandler's Dracula voice was, arguably, the worst Dracula voice in the history of Dracula impersonators. You know how some movies made for kids have elements that adults can appreciate? This isn't one of them. The wife said it was a boring movie with a weak story. She's so diplomatic."
That said, Hotel Transylvania Also, or Also Hotel Transylvania or Hotel Transylvania, Too is nonsense. Suspension of disbelief? Not for this crap. Viewers seemed to enjoy it given the viewer ratings, so what do I know? But what the f**K happened to Adam Sandler? The lovable, goof/goofy film maker is now making more DRECK (Yiddish for "shit") than anything remotely entertaining.
I grew up fearing Frankenstein's monster and vampires and werewolves and the bogeyman etc. I loved watching old horror/monster/sci-fi flicks. While there would be the occasional misunderstood monster (Okay, Frankenstein's creation could have gone either way), vampires, werewolves and zombies are scary murderers and not meant to be friendly. So, if my 5 year old watches Hotel Transylvania and thinks all these monsters are good, then at age 7 stumbles upon An American Werewolf in London or Bram Stoker's Dracula in the old DVD bin thinking these are stories about nice monsters, will he be more traumatised or less traumatised?
Maybe I'm just getting less tolerant as I get older and strive to be a responsible parent. Maybe I'm just a judgemental asshole...
The Hotel Transylvania 2 trailer tells the story of Dracula's daughter who marries a mortal-ish guy (who she met in the first movie), they now have a son and grandpa Drac is worried that we will not be a blood sucking murderer. Drac's daughter just wants the kid to have a normal life.
How twisted and ass-backwards is that? I wish I had more time to rant on this one... The first one was crap. This one looks like crap and Adam Sandler should just stop the nonsense and make Happy Gilmore 2 or Happier Gilmore.
The only good thing I can say about the trailer for Hotel Transylvania 2 is that it was less than two-and-a-half minutes. Still 30 seconds too long but... actually it was 2 1/2 minutes too long. I trust when my kids are older and the world has accepted blood thirsty killers like werewolves and vampires as misunderstood BFF's that just need a hug, Sandler's Hotel Transylvania franchise will seem relevant.
Monday, 5 October 2015
The Martian
You know, after taking 18 months off from the blog due to the changing priorities in my life (haven't blogged since my second son, Jack, was born on March 13, 2014), I think movie trailers are worse... Well, maybe that's not entirely true.
The Avengers: Age of Ultron was a blur. I couldn't remember any part of the trailer other than me thinking "holy F**K, I can't wait to see this movie. Or Mad Max... "holy F**K George Miller! Holy F**K Mad Max!" Or even Hitman 2: Agent 47. "Holy F**K this looks cool..."
So, maybe I haven't been paying attention.
The Martian. The trailer is over 3 minutes long. 3 minutes. I could tell you my life story in 3 minutes. You could create life in 3 minutes (or less). A movie trailer should never be more than 2 minutes. I've been saying that, minus an 18 month hiatus, for as long as I've been blogging. For as long as trailers have been spoiling movies for movie lovers everywhere....
Matt Damon. Love him or hate him he's an A-lister. Let's face it, he's got a sh*t load of talent and he's extremely versatile. Every time I hear his name I think of how his name was spoken in South Park. Regardless, I like most of his movies. I heard he's the next Robin in the up-coming Batman and Robin starring Ben Affleck as Batman.
The Martian, trailer: So, team goes to Mars. Chaos ensues. All presumed dead. One survives. He has about 31 days worth of food/supplies. It will take four years for him to be rescued. Serious predicament. So, he has to become MacGyver on Mars.
I used to work with this guy that could fix anything with a book of matches and a paper clip. I once saw him retrieve data from a USB stick that was run over by a car. He, of course, used a book of matches and a paper clip. He used to drive a diesel VW. It was an older one so he got it for gas mileage and not the promise of eco-friendly diesel. Just sayin'. While someone was tail gating him, he figured out that if you hold your wiper/washer fluid so that it generates a steady stream - in some VW's the stream sometimes jets over the windshield to the car behind it - down shift at mid-to high RPM so that the black smoke of diesel fires out, and the water combines with exhaust hits the windshield of the car behind you and it get's covered in soot. We used to call him MacGyver.
The Martian trailer should have stopped when Matt Damon has to be MacGyver to survive. We don't need to know the politics and challenges around a rescue mission. All we need to know is that there might be one but Matt's going to do real cool stuff and endure challenges while he waits.
I'm sure the wife will want to see this. I want to see it, too. Kristen Wiig looks serious. That I want to see.
The Avengers: Age of Ultron was a blur. I couldn't remember any part of the trailer other than me thinking "holy F**K, I can't wait to see this movie. Or Mad Max... "holy F**K George Miller! Holy F**K Mad Max!" Or even Hitman 2: Agent 47. "Holy F**K this looks cool..."
So, maybe I haven't been paying attention.
The Martian. The trailer is over 3 minutes long. 3 minutes. I could tell you my life story in 3 minutes. You could create life in 3 minutes (or less). A movie trailer should never be more than 2 minutes. I've been saying that, minus an 18 month hiatus, for as long as I've been blogging. For as long as trailers have been spoiling movies for movie lovers everywhere....
Matt Damon. Love him or hate him he's an A-lister. Let's face it, he's got a sh*t load of talent and he's extremely versatile. Every time I hear his name I think of how his name was spoken in South Park. Regardless, I like most of his movies. I heard he's the next Robin in the up-coming Batman and Robin starring Ben Affleck as Batman.
The Martian, trailer: So, team goes to Mars. Chaos ensues. All presumed dead. One survives. He has about 31 days worth of food/supplies. It will take four years for him to be rescued. Serious predicament. So, he has to become MacGyver on Mars.
I used to work with this guy that could fix anything with a book of matches and a paper clip. I once saw him retrieve data from a USB stick that was run over by a car. He, of course, used a book of matches and a paper clip. He used to drive a diesel VW. It was an older one so he got it for gas mileage and not the promise of eco-friendly diesel. Just sayin'. While someone was tail gating him, he figured out that if you hold your wiper/washer fluid so that it generates a steady stream - in some VW's the stream sometimes jets over the windshield to the car behind it - down shift at mid-to high RPM so that the black smoke of diesel fires out, and the water combines with exhaust hits the windshield of the car behind you and it get's covered in soot. We used to call him MacGyver.
The Martian trailer should have stopped when Matt Damon has to be MacGyver to survive. We don't need to know the politics and challenges around a rescue mission. All we need to know is that there might be one but Matt's going to do real cool stuff and endure challenges while he waits.
I'm sure the wife will want to see this. I want to see it, too. Kristen Wiig looks serious. That I want to see.
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