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Monday 19 October 2015

VIEWED: Hotel Transylvania 2

It's funny how things work out.  You say you don't want to do something and it ends up happening.  Case in point: seeing Hotel Transylvania 2.

So, it's Saturday morning.  My wife is at work and I'm hanging with my young sons.  We're about to go for a bike ride when I get the first of two texts.  The first text is from my wife reminding me that her friend and daughter are coming for dinner and spending the night.  She asks if I'll make up the spare room.

I don't mind her friend and the daughter is a great kid and gets along well with my sons, but my wife and her friend spend all their time talking about yoga and cleansing shakes.  They talk about bodies and child birth and then they do restorative poses - general well-being stuff.  The first year of this subject matter was interesting, and I enjoyed watching the poses; now I just tune out.  Her friend also doesn't shut up. Literally, I'm not sure she's ever taken a pause to take a breath.  As a result, if you have to go to the bathroom, you have to interrupt her in mid-sentence.  I was not looking forward to the evening.

The second text was from my buddy, Will, who asked if my son and I would like to join him and his son to see "Back to the Future." The original was playing at our local cinema.  As we were having company I told him that my son couldn't go but I would be happy to join them.  Very cool as I now got out of spending the evening with our company.

The wife informed me that I should double check as she wasn't sure "Back to the Future" was released yet - something about the 30 year anniversary.  I ignored her as nothing would prevent me from getting out of the house...

On the way to the cinema, I checked to make sure it was playing.  We got our dates wrong.  The wife was right. No "Back to the Future."  I texted her to tell her so (she likes when I'm wrong). So... we took his kid to see Hotel Transylvania 2.

My trailer review said:

"The only good thing I can say about the trailer for Hotel Transylvania 2 is that it was less than two-and-a-half minutes.  Still 30 seconds too long but... actually it was 2 1/2 minutes too long.  I trust when my kids are older and the world has accepted blood thirsty killers like werewolves and vampires as misunderstood BFF's that just need a hug, Sandler's Hotel Transylvania franchise will seem relevant."

Hotel Transylvania 2...

Lame synopsis: Drac (he of the worst Dracula voice in history) becomes a grandfather, by the age of five we'll know if grandson is a vampire or mortal. Daughter wants to move to California. Drac tries every trick in book to help grandson become vampire.  Times have changed - monsters are accepted (already had this rant in trailer review). Drac's dad, Vlad, is invited to 5th birthday party.  Vlad is a badass and his minions are badasses, too.  All hell - well, mild hell... well, kid appropriate heck breaks loose and..... happy ending.

What struck me about the movie as I'm watching it is that it wasn't funny or entertaining at all.  In the theatre the entire audience did not laugh at the same time during the "gags."  Imagine a gag and one person to your right laughing at it.  One person.  There was one lady behind me to my left that laughed at every other gag.  The guy behind me laughed once at an odd time but it was a belly laugh so distracting that two people laughed after him - but I think they were only laughing at him.

All that to say this move represented yet another 90 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

What a boring, uninspired, waste of time.

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