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Monday 5 October 2015

The Martian

You know, after taking 18 months off from the blog due to the changing priorities in my life (haven't blogged since my second son, Jack, was born on March 13, 2014), I think movie trailers are worse...  Well, maybe that's not entirely true.

The Avengers: Age of Ultron was a blur.  I couldn't remember any part of the trailer other than me thinking "holy F**K, I can't wait to see this movie.  Or Mad Max... "holy F**K George Miller!  Holy F**K Mad Max!" Or even Hitman 2: Agent 47. "Holy F**K this looks cool..."

So, maybe I haven't been paying attention.

The Martian.  The trailer is over 3 minutes long.  3 minutes.  I could tell you my life story in 3 minutes. You could create life in 3 minutes (or less).  A movie trailer should never be more than 2 minutes.  I've been saying that, minus an 18 month hiatus, for as long as I've been blogging. For as long as trailers have been spoiling movies for movie lovers everywhere....

Matt Damon.  Love him or hate him he's an A-lister.  Let's face it, he's got a sh*t load of talent and he's extremely versatile. Every time I hear his name I think of how his name was spoken in South Park. Regardless, I like most of his movies.  I heard he's the next Robin in the up-coming Batman and Robin starring Ben Affleck as Batman.

The Martian, trailer: So, team goes to Mars.  Chaos ensues.  All presumed dead.  One survives.  He has about 31 days worth of food/supplies.  It will take four years for him to be rescued.  Serious predicament. So, he has to become MacGyver on Mars.

I used to work with this guy that could fix anything with a book of matches and a paper clip.  I once saw him retrieve data from a USB stick that was run over by a car.  He, of course, used a book of matches and a paper clip.  He used to drive a diesel VW.  It was an older one so he got it for gas mileage and not the promise of eco-friendly diesel.  Just sayin'.  While someone was tail gating him, he figured out that if you hold your wiper/washer fluid so that it generates a steady stream - in some VW's the stream sometimes jets over the windshield to the car behind it - down shift at mid-to high RPM so that the black smoke of diesel fires out, and the water combines with exhaust hits the windshield of the car behind you and it get's covered in soot. We used to call him MacGyver.

The Martian trailer should have stopped when Matt Damon has to be MacGyver to survive.  We don't need to know the politics and challenges around a rescue mission.  All we need to know is that there might be one but Matt's going to do real cool stuff and endure challenges while he waits.

I'm sure the wife will want to see this.  I want to see it, too.  Kristen Wiig looks serious.  That I want to see.

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